Horrible Eyesight
by owlgirl16
Summary: James Potter knows he has bad vision, but when he loses his glasses for a day... "Potter! Stop cursing inanimate objects!" "Bloody lamp!" Marauder's Era.


Every morning, James Potter had the same routine. Get woken up by obnoxious roommate blowdrying his hair, yell at said roommate, cause two slightly less obnoxious roommates to wake up, and finally spend about twenty minutes trying to get Peter out of bed before rushing to breakfast. But before that, James would always put on his glasses. They were either on his face or on his bedside table. No exceptions. So when he woke at 7:38 am, on Tuesday November 6th, 1976, he did what he always did- reach out for his glasses.

They weren't there.

James promptly jumped up, banged his head on the ceiling, fell _out _of bed with a yell, tried to stand up, and pulled Sirius out of his bed, causing everyone to awaken.

"James!" said Remus sleepily, slowly pulling himself up. "What the hell?"

Sirius groaned from the floor, stood and looked murderously at his best friend. "I swear I usually get a better wakeup call. What's wrong with you? And why..." Sirius stopped ranting and simply stared at James.

Maybe this was because James was currently crawling on the floor, banging into furniture, and looking thoroughly panicked.

"I can't find my glasses!" he said worriedly. Sirius clambered over to him.

"Well, why don't you stand up and look, stupid!"

James sighed. "You know, there _is _a reason that I wear glasses."

"Really? You don't just wear them for looks?"

"No!" said James loudly. "I can't see without them!"

"Surely you can see a little bit, Prongs." said Remus reasonably. "At least enough to stop running into things."

"You don't get it." said James, beginning to sound panicked. "I have 20/200 vision! Without glasses! As in, I can't see anything! What am I supposed to do? I can't see the board! Wait, how am I going to eat? Forget eating, how am I going to get down the stairs! How am I going to curse Snivellus back if I don't know where I'm pointing! And why are you laughing?"

"You're yelling at the wall."

"Gah!"

Just then, Lawrence Adrian, the final member of their dorm, came out of the bathroom looking peeved.

"What's with all of the yelling?" he said rather pompously, while continuing to blow dry his hair.

"James lost his glasses." explained Peter, since both Sirius and Remus were too busy laughing at said boy.

Lawrence rolled his eyes. "Summon them. Duh. I have more important things to deal with."

He went back into the bathroom and the sound of him gushing over himself was heard. ("Oh, you _are_ handsome! You look good, yes you do! Who's the most gorgeous hair in the world, you are my precious!")

Sadly, this was normal.

"That's not a bad idea." said Remus, while Sirius glared daggers at the bathroom door. (It was common knowledge that him and Lawrence Adrian despised each other.)

James shook his head. "Don't you remember? I made you charm them last year so they couldn't be summoned."

"Right." Remus groaned. He couldn't possibly forget that incident. It had taken him two hours just to find the spell. What a pain.

"You only have one pair?" asked Peter yawning. "Haven't you lost them before?"

James nodded painfully, as though recalling a terrible memory. "Yeah. Once. I ended up breaking my rib, both ankles, and my wrist from tripping over stuff. Never again..."

His three friends exchanged a worried look. Having him break every bone in his body would _not_ be fun.

"Well, we'll just have to find where you put them." said Remus reasonably. James began to nod, until Peter glanced at his watch.

"Guys!" He shouted, eyes bulging. "We have ten minutes until class starts!"

"WHAT?" yelled Sirius, jumping up and dashing to the closet. "We need to eat!"

"Where's my Transfiguration homework?" said Peter loudly, throwing papers up and stuffing them in his bag before slipping shoes on. "McGonagall's going to murder me if I don't have it!"

"What are you worried about?" yelped James. "I can't see anything! Merlin, I hope the professors believe me! Crap! I need pants!"

The four boys ended up having to run to breakfast and only just make it to their first class, Transfiguration. Actually, running in wasn't really and appropriate term. Remus had been dragging James, but as they threw open the door, Remus unwittingly let go.

"Ahhh!" James let out a strangled yell and tripped over the nearest desk, colliding painfully with Lily Evans. She shrieked as he slid down and whacked his leg on another table. All three of his friends massaged their temples, looking exasperated.

"Damn it James, you _are _clumsy." Sirius commented, pulling up his friend and grabbed his hand, pulling towards their seat. The entire class stared, as though quite not comprehending what was going on.

"Mr. Potter," began McGonagall, slowly, looking at him with her stern gaze. "What-"

James huffed and turned in what he thought was the direction of their teacher. "I lost-" Sirius adjusted him so that he faced her.

"I lost my glasses."

Someone scoffed from across the room. "Likely story." Murmured someone else.

James stood, furious. "It's true! I have no idea where- GAH!"

He had tripped, once again, and fell flat on his face. "Ow! Ow! That hurt!" He attempted to stand, but ended up rolling sideways and landing on Peter. The small boy squeaked and toppled over, causing Remus to, in turn, _also_ fall.

"James! Stop moving! It's not helping!" said Remus, dusting himself off and picking poor Peter off the ground. James stood up again and slowly made his way over to his desk, wincing every few steps.

Then, obviously, he had no idea where he was supposed to sit and decided to plop down on the floor. It was better than falling again.

McGonagall sighed. This was getting ridiculous. She knew about the infamous Potter eyesight, his father and grandfather both had the same problems. Pesky little gene.

"You can make up the work later. Just make sure you find your glasses, alright Potter?"

James nodded, still in too much pain to do much else. So far, both knees, both elbows, both wrists, _and_ both big toes were pulsing and slowly turning red. Scratch that, his right toe was purple. And green.

"Bloody hell, stupid glasses." he muttered, annoyed.

The class passed on at a ridiculously slow pace. McGonagall was gesturing to something on the board that he couldn't see. Then it was time to actually practice the new spell. Now, James Potter was the top at Transfiguration. Brilliant. He, however, was not smart enough to realize that shooting a spell out when you couldn't see anything was the opposite of brilliant.

"_Voschello_!" He shouted, flicking his wand at what he hoped was the beanbag they were practicing on. Unfortunately, he wasn't that lucky. It was a lamp. Well, now it was an exploded lamp but no difference really.

"Potter! Stop cursing inanimate objects!"

"Bloody lamp!"

Needless to say, by mid afternoon, James was in a terrible mood. He was snapping at everyone and stumbling every few seconds. Remus recommended that he stay in their dorm and with an increasing temper, he decided to follow his friend's advice. He wasn't learning anything anyway.

Grumbling in his room, the hour ticked by. There wasn't much to do really, except stare at blurs and listen to the sounds of everyone else having fun. And feel for his glasses. By the time dinner rolled around, James had gotten three hours of sleep and was ready to move. Of course, moving meant the chance of running into things, but he didn't care.

Besides, they were serving tomato soup tonight. Nothing beats tomato soup.

Slowly and clumsily, James made his way out of the dorm, holding his hand out in front of him to ward of any potentially fatal walls. So far so good. He gritted his teeth and began to walk down the stairs, cursing every single one as he walked. Stairs! Why stairs?

"I hate my eyes." grumbled James, eventually making it out of the common room. Sirius, Remus, and Peter were all waiting for him, looking bored but pleased he didn't have a broken leg. Yet.

"You still haven't found them?" asked Sirius, in a disbelieving tone. "They better turn up soon, Prongs. We play Slytherin next week! And you're the captain!"

"I know that!"

"Good," Sirius gave a cheeky grin. "Just checking."

"Anything interesting happen today?" It was Peter's turn to lead James, and the small boy did _not_ look happy about this fact. Remus answered his question.

"A bunch of people asked where you were and Slughorn nearly cried when you weren't in his class. No joke. Then Padfoot made Snape's cauldron explode-"

"That was an accident!"

Remus snorted. "Sirius, you threw a firework in his potion. How would that be an accident?"

"I was aiming for Avery's! So it _was_ an accident!"

"Git."

"Hey! I heard that!"

Right now, we're going to switch to the point of view of Isabella Nicolette Luther, a fourth year Gryffindor. Don't worry, it won't be for long. But see, Isabella Nicolette is an invaluable part of this little story.

This young teen prided herself on being very pretty, and clever. And witty, and kind, and understanding. In short, Isabella Nicolette thought she was wonderful. Only one tiny detail would make everything perfect.

You see, Isabella Nicolette had the world's biggest crush on a certain James Charles Potter. Huge crush. She was the president of the **I Love James Potter Fan Club**, the vice president of the I** Love Four Certain Sixth Years Fan Club**, and president of the **Majorly Obsessed With Hot Guys Club**.

Of course, that stupid Lily Evans was making her life miserable. Her precious Jamsey didn't look at anyone else with that b- _girl_ around. She needed something big, something bold to woo him. But what? He was used to big, he was used to bold...

But was he used to downright _sexy_? Isabella Nicolette smiled. She knew just how to do it. And she would do it _tonight_.

Her roommate, Gwen Catchlove, was tired of listening to her crazy schemes. It was only expected; she had decided to marry James when she first saw him- back when she was _four_.

"I told you about the day we met, didn't I Gwen darling? We were walking around Diagon Alley, my mother and I, and so was he. Our eyes met, and he looked away, as though mesmerized by my beauty. Ever since then, I have dreamed of his luscious, black hair and handsome hazel eyes. Did you know he has a pet dog named Woolzy?"

"No," said Gwen. "And neither should you."

Isabella Nicolette chose to ignore this comment, and instead told Gwen her plan. Her roommate turned whiter with every word.

"Um, Bella? I don't think that's such a good idea..."

The other girl huffed. "I told you to call me Isabella Nicolette! And of course it'll work! What could possibly go wrong? He'll take one glance at me and melt! All thoughts of that horrid Lily Evans will be expelled from his mind! And I will win his heart!"

"You know," said Gwen conversationally, deciding not to try to stop Isabella Nicolette. It would be a laugh, and maybe shut the girl up. "My older sister's in the same dorm as Lily Evans, and she's actually very friendly."

"Of course she's friendly! That's why I hate her! Always smiling, and winking those stupid green eyes. That's the only reason he likes her, right? Her green eyes? And that awful red hair? And her eyebrows! Why does she have such perfect eyebrows?"

"Probably because she could fix them however she wanted when you shaved them off last year."

Isabella Nicolette huffed. "It won't matter after tonight. She'll look positively ugly after I show off my charms at dinner. I need to get ready!"

The scheming fourth year began to search through her closet, and pulled out a lacy, black object of clothing and some sparkly eyeshadow that had been hiding in her closet. Gwen blanched.

As James walked innocently to dinner, he had no idea that something terrible would be waiting for him in his seat. You see, there was a flaw in Isabella Nicolette's plan. A hilarious, horrible flaw.

The Great Hall was dead silent when the four Marauders walked in, every mouth open and every eye transfixed on the sight before them.

Isabella Nicolette Luther (who they all knew just because of her strange obsession with James Potter) was lying in a very inappropriate pose, wearing undergarments and a tantalizing grin. Her bleach blond hair was piled sky high, and her face looked painted on. But it was really what was written on her stomach that had everyone gaping.

**Will you go out with me James Potter?**

She had done this to impress _James_. She wanted him to _read it_. Ironic, huh?

However, the boy in question didn't notice anything different, other than the fact it was quieter than normal. His reasoning was that his hearing was usually better without glasses, so obviously it wouldn't seem as loud. (Flawed logic, but he was going a little bit crazy by that point.)

James walked over to about where Isabella Nicolette was sitting, since that was where he had sat for six years, and began to fill his plate. The smile on his fan girl's face was beginning to diminish and she started to feel nervous. Why hadn't he said anything yet? And why did he look different than he normally did?

Everyone was still openly staring at the two. Sirius, Peter, and Remus all walked up to their spot on the table. Sirius leaned to whisper in James's ear.

"You are so lucky you're not wearing glasses today. Well, I guess you're lucky. I'm glad I can see this."

Remus smacked his arm, a sound that resonated through the entire hall. "Perv." He hissed, before scooting back to his seat. Peter just looked completely confused.

Isabella Nicolette was now hyperventilating. Was this not big and bold enough? She jumped out of her seat.

"Why have you not responded to my declaration of love? I have chased you for years my precious! I have taken pictures of you for years! I know everything about you! I have locks of your silky hair, I have bottles of your sweet smelling sweat, and I have snot from your cold last winter! Why, oh Why is this not enough for you?"

Sirius began to sweat himself. Dang, this girl was stalkerish. Scratch that, she was a stalker. Honestly, James's snot? That was really gross. Siriusly.

"Er, sorry." said James, looking rather confused. "But I don't really know who you are..."

This caused Isabella Nicolette to explode in her mind. He didn't know who SHE WAS?

He grinned sheepishly and pointed to his eyes. "I lost my glasses, so I can't really see you. And I'm pretty bad at identifying voices..."

Isabella Nicolette let out a shriek of despair. "You mean, you can't see anything?" She whispered, collapsing on the table.

"Nope. I have 20/200 uncorrected vision. I'm not even sure where your face is. Sorry about not returning your feelings though, whoever you are."

Now James was being extremely polite about this whole ordeal, trying to act casual. Those closest to him could tell he was unnerved at the fact that someone was declaring their love to him. Isabella Nicolette, however, was furious.

Letting out an inhumane scream, she grabbed James's hair and began to smash it into whatever she could find. Isabella Nicolette Luther was going _insane_. Immediately, those nearest tried to help the poor boy who was beginning to feel very sore.

"Stop it! OW!"

"You shall pay for losing your glasses and destroying my dreams!"

"HELP!"

The students watching began to hide their smiles; the situation was turning into a Hogwarts legend. The professors began to run towards the scene, McGonagall shaking her head and the others stiffing laughs.

Finally, Isabella Nicolette grew tired of hurting her most beloved and decided to instead sob into his shirt.

"So first you hurt me, and then you start crying? What the hell is wrong with you?"

People were talking again, taking the attention off of Isabella Nicolette. However, she knew her time was limited. The professors were almost to their spot on the table. What should she say? Should she kiss him?

Isabella Nicolette liked that idea.

Leaning in, the fourth year puckered her lips, and before Remus could warn James to back away, the boy in question yelped gleefully.

"I FOUND THEM!" He yelled, clutching in his hand the missing glasses. "They were underneath my seat! I must have dropped them last night!"

Not noticing the horrified looks of his friends, James pushed the glasses on his face and blinked taking in his surroundings. _And the semi-naked girl leaning in to kiss him_.

"AH!" James Potter screamed like a girl, drawing the attention back to the pair and silencing the room again.

"OH MY GOD!"

He promptly fell off the bench for the fourteenth time that day, a terrible snapping noise coming from his leg, that didn't look quite normal. Isabella Nicolette had yelled too, the shock of James falling making her collide with the tomato soup.

You see where I'm going with this, don't you?

The huge pot of tomato soup tipped over, sending the boiling hot contents all over the floor. If this wasn't enough, McGonagall happened to be running right where it spilled and she slipped, bringing several other teachers with her. James groaned and sat back up, pulling his glasses off.

"I'm not putting these back on until she leaves!" He said fearfully, looking extremely traumatized. Thankfully for him, McGonagall, now furious and covered in soup, did not hesitate to drag Isabella Nicolette out of the Great Hall while everyone sniggered.

"You can put your glasses on Prongs." said Remus, once the chaos had stopped and the soup cleaned up. James shook his head.

"I'm not risking it. That creep could run back in here."

"James, you're being ridiculous."

"Sorry Lily." He said, looking in her general direction. "I'm waiting til we're safe and sound in our dorm."

Then his face turned white. "Wait, didn't she say something about photographs? What if she has a camera in our room?" His voice had begun to take a high pitch. The other three boys looked at each other in horror.

Lily furrowed her brows. "She also said something about having your hair, sweat, and snot Potter..."

James groaned, his complexion going from white to green. "I'm going to be sick!"

Remus looked at his leg. "Speaking of sick, you need to go to the Hospital Wing. That's definitely broken."

He paused as James began to crawl out of the Great Hall.

"Screw this. _Wingardium Leviosa._" muttered Remus, standing up and taking his injured friend before he hurt himself again.

Lily shook her head. "He really does have bad vision. And I thought he was exaggerating."

"Well, you remember last year."

Lily shrugged. "True. I haven't thought about that in a while though.."

Sirius gave a bark. "That's because he hates any reminder of it. You heard him, his eyesight's 20/200. That's _bad_. I mean, sure it's uncorrected...but it's still a weakness. You know how he hates seeming weak."

"Yeah," said Lily, surprised at the serious tone to Black's voice.

Suddenly, he grinned. "I bet you wish you had photographs of James, huh Evans?"

"I'M GOING TO MURDER YOU BLACK!"

**Hehe...I rather enjoy this story. My first oneshot, so please no flames! I love it when you guys review...:) **

**There are a few references to a full length Marauder's story I plan to write and post eventually. Tell me if you like it, and keep your eyes out for it! **

**Kay **


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